One of questions after break-up is whether friendship can be present between the ex-lovers
Is it healthy to be ex-lovers and stay friends? And most importantly: can it really be achieved when one of the two has suffered the breakup more than the other member of the couple?
These two questions are the ones that many people ask themselves when love ends and they live a sentimental breakup.
It does not matter if one is the one who leaves and another the one left or if the separation has occurred by mutual agreement, in neither case is it easy to get a beautiful friendship when there has been love involved.
But it’s not impossible.
The first thing you have to know is that you can be friends with an ex but it is essential that both parties have accepted and overcome the breakup.
If one of the two still feels hurt, disappointed or simply continues to suffer from the love story that has broken down, there will be no possibility of reaching a meeting point in which the love of a couple leaves room for the love of friends.
Being clear that this person is no longer your partner is key.
It has been important for you, maybe it was the center of your life (big mistake if it was because it will be more difficult for you to overcome it) and surely you have lived incredible moments and others not so good together.
We must record this on fire to understand that the moment it is broken, you are no longer engaged.
If one of the two is still ‘in love’, if one of the two still has in his head that there may be a second chance in the future and the other does not, or if one of the two does not want to see that it is the end, it will be impossible to continue as friends because in the end one of the two will be harmed and injured.
May both sides be aware of this new situation to continue looking forward without grudges or bad vibes.
There are times when after assuming the breakup and accepting the new life situation of each of the members of the couple, it is concluded that it is good and healthy to continue being part of the life of the other and maintaining contact.
Of course, you have to mark certain limits and that are clear to both parties, that way there will be no room for false hopes or painful confusions.
Accepting that it is over, the first step to move from ex-boyfriends to friends.
Why do you want to remain friends?
According to a 2017 University of Kansas study, the reasons that lead us to maintain friendship after a breakup are as follows:
- It gives us security in the face of the fear of losing the other forever, so we maintain emotional contact, support and advice.
- If there are children, it is usually for practical and comfort reasons.
- For being kind to the other and not wanting to hurt their feelings (especially when we are the ones we leave).
- When one of the two maintains the desire to recover the lost love, he clings to friendship as hope.
How to go from ex-lovers to friends
The first thing we should consider when the breakup happens is the time we need to overcome it. We are talking about the so-called grief, which in each person can last more or less.
Recovering from pain, from a planned future that has fallen apart, from a possible deception and reconnecting with our own self, with our feelings and with what we want for ourselves, is not a simple task and sometimes requires the help of a psychology professional.
There is no hurry.
This is when it is vital to spend some time with the ex-partner. That each one is relocated and knows well what he needs and what are the times that will help him.
If as soon as you break you continue to see each other, continue talking on the phone on a regular basis or maintain contact in some way, the waters will take much longer to return to their channel or, what is worse, you will never reach a point of understanding and understanding.
Love yourself very much.
A breakup is not usually a tasteful dish for anyone. Before you consider whether your ex can remain your friend, love yourself more than anything.
Regain self-esteem if your heart has been broken and don’t blame yourself or think you could have done it differently to retain that lost love.
Things always happen for something and who tells you that it will not be better as a friend than as a couple?
Life is amazing!
Friendship between members of an ex-partner is possible, but not mandatory.
Is it worth it? At the moment of leaving or being left, a thousand feelings of all kinds come to mind and not all of them are positive towards the other person.
If we want to remain friends there has to be no room for rancor on either side. A good idea is, after having passed the grief and that phase of anger or sadness, make a list of the positive things you have experienced in the relationship.
Be concrete, accept each other’s flaws and yours, and remember those funny situations, those joyful moments together, that day when it was your great support, to feel that it is worth continuing to care about that person.
Seek freedom. Not only yours, which is fundamental to a happy life, but also that of the person you have loved.
Do not overwhelm him, do not ask him for more than he can give you and do not demand that he behave as he did when you were boyfriends.
This doesn’t work like that.
If you do not let the other who is who you want to be, to fly free, there will not be the slightest space for a friendship between you.
Worry about him, yes, but not about his love life or his social relationships. Don’t let him or her do it with yours either. He can do with his life whatever he wants and so can you. Respect the other and make yourself respected.
It is not mandatory to remain friends
You don’t have to end up being friends yes or yes. There are couples who break up and never see each other again. And if so, nothing happens either.
Perhaps sometimes it is better to forget and stop seeing the other to move forward with each one with his life.