Some of The Funniest Jokes From The Black Book of Jokes
If you’re on a quest for laughter, welcome to the perfect destination!
Dive into our treasure trove of hilarity, handpicked from the renowned ‘Black Book of Jokes’. With the author’s blessing, we bring to you an exquisite collection of jests across a spectrum of themes.
Get ready to brighten your day with our top-tier selection of jokes guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
The Monopoly Money
In a shop for kids.
Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from the Monopoly game.
The cashier: “Are you stupid? This isn’t real money!”
Peter: “You’re stupid. The car is not real either.”
A Pinch of Humor
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.
He said to her, “If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle.”
The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, “If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra.”
The wife grabbed her husband’s penis and replied, “and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!”
The Lost Toupee
On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver’s ear.
She said, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”
The driver didn’t think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.
Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”
This time, he figured he’d better look into it.
He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him.
“Excuse me sir, could I help you?”
The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it… I thought I’d located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!”
The German Tourist
A German tourist arrives at a French airport.
The immigration officer asks him: “Occupation?”
The German: “No, no, just visit.”
The Wardrobe Deal
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 10 year old son was hiding in the wardrobe.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the wardrobe.
The boy now has company.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the wardrobe together.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “I’ll tell.”
Man: “How much?”
Boy: “$750.”
Man: “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!”
The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
The son says, “$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”
The Chinese Restaurant
James was sitting in a Chinese restaurant when it suddenly went dark.
The waiter came over and said: “You all need to start clapping!”
“What a weirdo,” James thought.
Anyway everyone started to clap and the lights came on!
James said: “How did that happen?”
The waiter replied: “Old Chinese proverb, many hands make light work.”
The Family Pet Essay
A father came home from work one night to find his little boy sitting on the cat, with a pen and paper in his hand.
“Why are you sitting on Felix?” he asked.
“Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on the family pet.”
The Fair Lady
“Why does your husband always call you his Fair Lady when you’re a brunet?”
“He is a bus conductor”.
The Generous Customer
A regular customer walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “Well, it seems you’re in a really good mood tonight.”
The man replies, “I sure am! Yesterday I was hired by the city to go around and collect money from the parking meters!”
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. The next night the same man walks back in, “Bartender, two rounds for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your first paycheck!”
With a wondrous look on his face, the man pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, “You mean they’re gonna pay me too?”
The Dead Pussy
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.”
The Honeymoon Tragedy
Three weeks after her wedding day, Ava called the vicar who had married her.
“Reverend,” she wailed, “Chris and I have had a dreadful fight!”
“Calm down, my child,” said the Reverend, “it’s not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”
“I know, I know!” said Ava, “But what on earth am I going to do now with the body?”
The Deaf Men’s Quarrel
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, “Boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn’t stop!”
The other Buddy says “When my wife goes off on me I just don’t listen.”
“How do you do that?” Says the other.
“It’s easy! I turn off the light!”
The Ageless Beauty
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: “The doctor said that my breast is like a 20 year old girl’ breast.”
Husband replied: “Did he say something about your 45 year old hanging to the floor ass?”
“No”, she said. “Your name wasn’t even mentioned.”
The Biker’s Encounter
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.
While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”
She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss.
After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says: “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?”
“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…”
The Beach Etiquette
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks “If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady …”
He replies “If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!”
If you’ve enjoyed these witty tales and humorous anecdotes, you’re in for a treat! Take a journey through the world of humor with “The Black Book of Jokes” — a comprehensive collection of awesome jokes that promise to keep you entertained for hours.
Whether you’re looking to lighten up a gathering, bring a smile to someone’s face, or just need a good laugh yourself, this book is the perfect companion.
Get your copy of the Black Book Of Jokes now and join us in the laughter!