The Quirky, Cringey, and Hilarious Side of Staying Clean
Hygiene has come a long way since the days of powdered wigs, royal perfumes, and… corn cobs?
It’s hard to imagine a time when bathing was rare, toothpaste contained crushed bones, and personal hygiene was more of an art form than a science. But as strange as it sounds today, many hygiene habits from history are downright hilarious—and sometimes a little horrifying.
Here’s a look at some of the weirdest, funniest, and quirkiest hygiene practices from the past.
1. Royal Reluctance to Bathe: The “Fresh” Approach of the French Court
It seems cleanliness wasn’t always next to godliness, especially if you were a king. Louis XIV, the “Sun King” of France, was known for his lavish lifestyle, yet bathing wasn’t part of it.
In fact, Louis reportedly only took two baths in his adult life, both times at his doctor’s suggestion to cure his headaches. Unsurprisingly, the baths didn’t work as a remedy, and he never bathed again. Instead, Louis preferred to mask any unpleasant odors with perfumes, which were applied liberally.
But Louis wasn’t alone—many European nobles in the 17th and 18th centuries believed that bathing could make one sick, as water supposedly opened the pores, making people vulnerable to disease. Instead, they wore heavily powdered wigs, applied perfumes, and donned layers of scented clothing to keep themselves smelling “fresh.”
Imagine entering a royal court full of nobles who hadn’t bathed in weeks, but had drowned themselves in cologne!
2. Corn Cobs and Pottery Shards: The Original Toilet Paper
Before soft, quilted toilet paper, people had to improvise.
In colonial America, settlers used corn cobs for personal hygiene, which was surprisingly effective and continued as a rural practice well into the 20th century.
The Greeks and Romans, however, had a different approach.
They used shards of pottery, known as pessoi, to clean themselves after using the bathroom. Some of these shards might have even started as “ostraka,” pieces of pottery used to cast votes when exiling unpopular citizens in ancient Athens.
The idea of using a sharp piece of pottery to clean up might make you wince, but it was a common practice—and perhaps one of the oldest forms of “recycled” materials!
3. The Farmer’s Almanac: A Multi-Purpose Publication
Out on the American frontier, practicality and resourcefulness ruled. Printed paper was a luxury, and that included toilet paper.
People would use any paper they could get their hands on for bathroom use, and the Farmer’s Almanac became a popular choice for outhouse users. Recognizing this, publishers even began selling the almanac with a pre-drilled hole, making it easy to hang in outhouses.
This practice has continued into the modern day, making the Farmer’s Almanac one of the few publications designed for both reading and… well, other uses.
4. The “Clean” Nobility: Washing Without Water
In the 1700s, European nobles had a peculiar take on cleanliness.
Instead of regular baths, they changed their white linens often, believing that the fabric absorbed impurities from the skin, thus keeping them clean without needing to bathe. Freshly starched white collars and cuffs symbolized cleanliness and high social status, as they were believed to absorb body oils and dirt.
Linens became a social statement; the whiter and crisper the linen, the “cleaner” you were assumed to be. This was a time when “airing out dirty laundry” might have been more literal than we think!
5. Dental Hygiene Through the Ages: From Powdered Fish Bones to Horsehair Floss
Historical dental practices were about as diverse as they were uncomfortable.
During the Elizabethan era, a pamphlet recommended rubbing teeth with powdered fish bones and then rinsing with vinegar and sulfuric acid.
This method likely caused more damage than it fixed, but it’s hard to deny the creativity involved.
Some cultures, like the Welsh, were known for their commitment to sparkling white teeth. They would vigorously rub their teeth until they gleamed “like ivory.”
And then there was floss.
Early floss was made from horsehair, a far cry from today’s gentle nylon floss. By the early 19th century, silk became more common, and nylon soon followed, bringing a welcome end to the age of horsehair between the teeth!
6. The Smelly Job of “Gong Fermors”
In Elizabethan England, certain jobs came with a unique set of challenges—and smells.
Known as “gong fermors” or “gong farmers,” these workers had the responsibility of emptying privies, or toilets, at night. It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it, and they were well compensated.
However, no matter how hard they scrubbed, the pungent smell of their work clung to them, making it a less-than-glamorous profession.
Imagine trying to wash away a day’s work of hauling human waste with nothing more than water and maybe a little soap.
7. The Medieval Belief in Tooth Worms
Before the advent of microscopes, people blamed toothaches and cavities on “tooth worms,” tiny creatures that supposedly burrowed into teeth and caused pain and decay.
This odd theory stuck around for centuries, as people had no way of seeing the bacteria that actually cause tooth decay.
The idea of little worms eating away at your teeth is unsettling, but this belief highlights just how far we’ve come in dental science.
8. Bathing Machines: Victorian Modesty on Wheels
By the 18th and 19th centuries, the idea of publicly bathing in swimwear was still considered scandalous, so people got creative.
Enter the “bathing machine,” a wooden cart on wheels designed for beachgoers. People would enter the cart on shore, change into their swimwear, and then be rolled into the water, allowing them to discreetly slip into the ocean.
Today, it seems like an elaborate and slightly ridiculous way to take a dip, but in Victorian times, modesty demanded it.
9. Perfumes and Powdered Wigs: The Original “Dry Shampoo”
In the French court of the 17th and 18th centuries, it was fashionable to wear elaborate wigs, which were often made of animal hair and could get smelly if not maintained.
Since bathing was rare, nobles doused their wigs with powder and perfume to mask unpleasant odors. Some would even tie small scented sachets into their wigs for an extra layer of freshness.
These wigs became so enormous and elaborate that some required a little cage structure underneath to hold their shape.
While modern dry shampoo is far more discreet, it’s clear that creative solutions for “hair freshness” have been around for centuries.
10. Urine as Laundry Detergent
In ancient Rome, laundries, known as fullonicae, used an unlikely cleaning agent: human urine.
Collected in public receptacles, urine was used for its ammonia content, which effectively broke down dirt and stains in clothing. Workers stomped on the clothes in large vats filled with diluted urine to remove the grime. While effective, the smell must have been overwhelming, but to the Romans, this was just another part of life.
Just be glad modern laundry detergent smells a lot better!
11. The Origins of Deodorant: Strange and Stinky Experiments
Body odor wasn’t always masked by the floral and fresh scents of modern deodorants.
In ancient Egypt, people mixed tortoise shells and incense into a paste as an early deodorant formula. The Greeks, known for their experimentation, used vinegar and herbs to keep odors at bay.
And while these might have worked to a degree, nothing could replace the convenience of today’s roll-on deodorant.
12. Toothpaste Ingredients: Crushed Bones and Oyster Shells
Before we had minty toothpaste, people used an array of abrasive materials.
Ancient Egyptians created a type of toothpaste by mixing crushed eggshells, ox hooves, and ashes. Other cultures tried oyster shells, animal bones, and even powdered charcoal.
The gritty texture cleaned the teeth, but it likely wore down enamel as well. It’s safe to say that toothpaste has come a long way from its origins!
13. Medieval Mouthwash: Vinegar and Spices
In the Middle Ages, dental care was limited, but some people used a type of mouthwash made from vinegar, spices, and herbs.
The goal wasn’t just to freshen breath; vinegar was believed to kill bacteria. The mix could be harsh on the gums, and it wasn’t exactly minty fresh, but it shows that people have always sought ways to avoid “dragon breath.”
14. Morning Breath Mystery: Why It’s Worse Than You Think
Though not exactly a historical fact, the phenomenon of “morning breath” has always existed.
When you sleep, your saliva production decreases, allowing bacteria to thrive and produce sulfur compounds that cause bad breath.
Fortunately, our ancestors had similar solutions—albeit a bit more rustic than today’s minty mouthwash.
15. Soap Wasn’t Always for Personal Use
Today, soap is a hygiene essential, but historically, it was often reserved for washing clothes and household items rather than the body.
In medieval Europe, people generally believed water could carry disease, so washing the body with soap wasn’t very popular. Soap for bathing became more common in the 19th century, especially when Queen Victoria promoted cleanliness as a virtue.
Before that, strong perfumes were the more popular option!
16. The Barber-Surgeon: Haircuts and Surgeries in One Stop
In medieval and Renaissance times, barbers often doubled as surgeons.
Known as “barber-surgeons,” they provided not just haircuts but also medical services such as tooth extractions, bloodletting, and even minor surgeries. They used the same tools for both barbering and surgery, which might make you cringe considering hygiene standards were almost nonexistent.
This practice is why the barber pole is red and white; it symbolizes blood and bandages.
17. Washing Hands Wasn’t Always Common Sense
Though it’s second nature to wash our hands before eating or after using the bathroom, handwashing for hygiene is a relatively new concept.
It wasn’t until the mid-19th century that Hungarian doctor Ignaz Semmelweis discovered the connection between handwashing and the prevention of infections.
When he suggested doctors wash their hands between examining patients, he was ridiculed. It took decades before handwashing became an accepted practice in medical settings.
18. Children in Tudor England Drank Beer
In Tudor England, it was common for people of all ages, including children, to drink “small beer,” a low-alcohol beer thought to be safer than water, which was often contaminated.
The brewing process killed bacteria, making it a safer option.
This daily beer was much weaker than today’s beverages, with just enough alcohol to purify the water, but it’s amusing to think of young children drinking beer with breakfast!
19. Chamber Pots and Night Soil Men
Before indoor plumbing, chamber pots were a staple in homes for relieving oneself at night, especially during cold winters.
People would empty them into the street or hire “night soil men” to collect the waste. These workers would cart off human waste at night, dumping it in designated locations or selling it as fertilizer.
Imagine the smell of city streets before sanitation systems!
20. Viking Tooth Modifications
The Vikings were known for their intimidating appearance, but they also had a unique hygiene practice: tooth filing.
Archaeologists have found Viking skulls with grooves intentionally carved into the teeth, likely for decorative purposes or to appear more fearsome.
They used various substances to stain the grooves, making their teeth a significant part of their warrior aesthetic.
Talk about a terrifying, toothy grin!
21. Armpit Pads: The Early Antiperspirants
Before deodorant, people used pads made of materials like wool or linen, placed in their armpits to absorb sweat.
In the Victorian era, these pads, called “dress shields,” were essential for ladies and gentlemen alike. These shields were often sewn into clothing, and some could even be scented to mask body odor.
Think of it as an early version of antiperspirant—but a lot less convenient!
22. Animal Fat Candles for Light… and a Stink
Candles made from animal fat, or tallow, were common before wax candles became popular.
While tallow candles were inexpensive and accessible, they had a downside—they smelled awful when burned. The strong odor could fill a room with an unpleasant stench, which people endured because it was a cheap source of light.
It’s another example of how people historically made trade-offs between convenience and comfort!
23. Baths in Wine and Milk
While most people rarely bathed, some elite members of society took bathing to new heights.
Queen Cleopatra of Egypt was said to bathe in donkey milk, believing it would keep her skin youthful and radiant. Later, European nobles experimented with bathing in wine for its supposed health benefits.
These luxurious baths were not only indulgent but also impractical and costly, reserved only for those who could afford such extravagances.
24. Communal Bathhouses Were Social Centers
In ancient Rome, Japan, and even in parts of medieval Europe, communal bathhouses were popular gathering places where people socialized, relaxed, and, in some cases, even conducted business meetings.
Roman bathhouses, or thermae, were a daily ritual for many, complete with hot, warm, and cold pools.
For Romans, bathing was a social event—a far cry from the private baths we enjoy today.
25. Early Toothbrushes Were Chew Sticks
While the Chinese are credited with inventing the bristle toothbrush in the 15th century, earlier civilizations used “chew sticks” for dental care.
These sticks, usually made from twigs or roots, were chewed until frayed at the ends and then used to brush the teeth. They may sound primitive, but they were surprisingly effective in removing food particles.
Some cultures still use versions of chew sticks today!
26. The “Vinegar Gargle” as an Ancient Mouthwash
Ancient Romans and Egyptians used mouthwash made from vinegar, salt, and sometimes even urine.
The idea was to kill bacteria and freshen breath, though the taste was likely unpleasant.
Thankfully, mouthwash has come a long way from these vinegar-based concoctions, but the quest for fresh breath is evidently timeless.
27. Reusing Bathwater: One Tub for the Whole Family
In many English households during the 18th and 19th centuries, it was common for the whole family to share the same bathwater, starting with the father and going down the line to the youngest child.
Heating large amounts of water was time-consuming and costly, so one tub would be filled for everyone to use. By the time it reached the youngest family members, the water was often murky, a far cry from the clean baths we enjoy today.
This tradition may also be the origin of the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” The water would become so dirty by the end that, in theory, you could “lose” a child in it—a humorous reminder to pay attention!
Hygiene has always been a strange balance of science and superstition, practicality and imagination.
From corn cobs and “gong farmers” to royal aversion to baths, the journey toward modern cleanliness is filled with quirky, sometimes cringe-worthy tales.
Next time you wash your hands or brush your teeth, take a moment to appreciate how far we’ve come—and perhaps laugh at how different our lives might look if these old practices were still in use today.