Some of The Funniest Jokes From The Black Book of Jokes
If you’re on a quest for laughter, welcome to the perfect destination!
Dive into our treasure trove of hilarity, handpicked from the renowned ‘Black Book of Jokes’. With the author’s blessing, we bring to you an exquisite collection of jests across a spectrum of themes.
Get ready to brighten your day with our top-tier selection of jokes guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
The Cultural Debate
An Italian and a Greek were arguing about which country added the most to civilization.
The Greek: We built the Acropolis!
The Italian: We built the Colosseum!
The Greek: We gave the world advanced math!
The Italian: We made the Roman Empire!
The Greek: We discovered sex!
The Italian: And we introduced it to women!
The Bar and the Snake
A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, Sorry, buddy. I can’t serve you.
Why not? the snake asks.
Because you can’t hold your liquor.
Wedding Attire
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, Mommy, why does the girl wear white?
His mom replies, The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.
The boy thinks about this, and then says, Well then, why is the boy wearing black?
Bank Withdrawal Woes
A man was standing in a line at a bank to withdraw cash.
After an hour his turn came and he gave his bank details to the cashier. The cashier said, I am sorry, sir. There’s no cash.
Fuming with anger, the man rushed to the manager’s room and yelled at him. You are a big bank and you don’t have cash? Close my account! he demanded.
The manager pacified the man and rushed to the cashier. Minutes later he returned and the man asked, Did you bring my cash or you are still running out of it?
The manager replied, Sir, we have enough cash. Unfortunately, your account does not.
The Doctor’s Advice
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor.
Doctor: What happened?
Woman: Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp.
Doctor: I have really good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gurgle.
Two weeks later she returns to the doctor, and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman: Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened.
Doctor: You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!
The French-Speaking Pig
The circus advertised a new act, Pig That Can Speak French.
The trainer walked onto the stage, one hand holding a small pig with a green ribbon while the other held a wooden mallet.
Parlez-vous français? asks the trainer and then proceeds to hit the pig with the mallet.
The pig: Ouiii
The New Zealander’s Sheep
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says You sheerin’ mate? and the first guy replies Naw, they’re all mine.
Miss Beatrice’s Organ
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
Miss Beatrice, he said, I wonder if you would tell me about this? pointing to the bowl.
Oh, yes, she replied, Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter.
The Daring Question
‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?
Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?
The Antique Vase
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house.
The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!
The boy sagged in relief: Oh, good that it wasn’t new.
The Elderly Acrobat
A circus is holding auditions and an eighty-five year old man shows up.
What do you do? asks the ringmaster.
I bend over backwards, says the man, and pick up a handkerchief off the floor with my teeth.
Wow, says the ringmaster, impressed that this elderly man is agile enough to do this. Then what do you do? he asks.
Then I bend over again, says the man, and pick up my teeth.
The Flea Circus Sign
The owner of the flea circus learned from experience.
He posted a sign that read: Dogs are not welcome. They steal the show.
The Birds and the Bees
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
Mother, where do babies come from?
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, kiss, hug, and have sex.
The daughter looks puzzled, so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.
The child seems to comprehend.
Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.
The Circus Audition
A guy goes in to join the circus.
The ringmaster looks at him and says, “This isn’t like the old days, kid. We don’t just take anyone off the street anymore. You have to have some kind of unique talent.”
The guy pleads with him, “Just give me a minute and I’ll show you what I can do.”
The ringmaster says, “Ok, you have a minute. Wow me.”
The guy then spreads out his arms and begins flapping them as if they were wings. Within seconds, he’s off the ground, soaring through the air and zooming all over the circus tent! He performs a loop-dee-loop around the high-wire, dive-bombs near the tiger pit, freaking out the tigers, and barrel rolls over the audience seats. Finally the guy lands perfectly in front of the ringmaster. Out of breath, he asks, “So, what do you think?”
The ringmaster looks at him and says, “Is that all you do? Bird imitations?”
The Human Cannonball Dilemma
A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus.
One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer.
The husband was extremely dejected. The clown asked him what he was planning to do.
The husband answered, “This is a disaster. I don’t know where I’m going to find another woman of her caliber.”
The Jigsaw Puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh, “let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
The Prostitute and Her Grandma
A girl was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and she was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.
Suddenly the girl’s grandma came by and saw her.
“Why are you standing in line, dear?” she asked.
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.
“Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I’ll get some for myself,” said the grandma.
A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, “Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suck them dry!”
The Alligator Shoes
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
“How much for these shoes?” — she asked the store manager.
“$300″ — he replied.
“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” — the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irritated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for a while he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!” — he yelled.
“Fine. I will.” — the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm the alligators.
He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to seven other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”
If you’ve enjoyed these witty tales and humorous anecdotes, you’re in for a treat! Take a journey through the world of humor with “The Black Book of Jokes” — a comprehensive collection of awesome jokes that promise to keep you entertained for hours.
Whether you’re looking to lighten up a gathering, bring a smile to someone’s face, or just need a good laugh yourself, this book is the perfect companion.
Get your copy of the Black Book Of Jokes now and join us in the laughter!