Some of The Funniest Jokes From The Black Book of Jokes
If you’re on a quest for laughter, welcome to the perfect destination!
Dive into our treasure trove of hilarity, handpicked from the renowned ‘Black Book of Jokes’. With the author’s blessing, we bring to you an exquisite collection of jests across a spectrum of themes.
Get ready to brighten your day with our top-tier selection of jokes guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 60th birthday.
During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
“I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool. “
So the party continues with no events in the pool until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.
In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?”
The guy grabs the microphone and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in! ”
***
Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along.
“Hello, Murphy, “ he says.
“What time did you pull out this morning?”
“I didn’t, “replies Murphy. “And I’ve been worrying about it all day. ”
***
An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home.
They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company.
After about three weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, “I know we are both old and can’t do much sexually anymore, but if I pulled out my penis, would you hold it?”
The woman did not see what that would hurt, so she said she would.
Every day for the next month the couple would sit in the park by the lake and the old woman would hold the man’s penis.
One day the man didn’t show up at their regular meeting place. The woman became concerned and set out to search for him.
Further down the shore she spotted him sitting on a bench, with another woman beside him. She walked up to the bench to find his penis in the other woman’s hand.
This upset her very much and she yelled at the old man, “We have been together for 2 months now, I thought we were getting along just fine. Now I find you here with this other woman. What does she have that I don’t?”
“Parkinsons! ” replied the old man with a smile.
***
At an interview:
“So you’d be starting off at 20 000, but later on it can go up to 40 000. “
“Excellent, I’ll start later on. “
***
A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions. “
“Onions?” the son asks.
“Yes. You see them and they make you cry. “
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree. “
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration. “
***
Peter: “Your secretary is very sexy… “
Tony: “Thanks! It’s a robot actually, named ‘Maria’. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I’ll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions… “
Next day Peter called Tony from the hospital & shouted: “You bastard! ”
You didn’t tell me that the “HOLE” between Maria’s legs is a pencil sharpener.
***
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment.
Doctor: “Your tonsils have to come out. “
Patient: “I want a second opinion. “
Doctor: “Okay, you’re ugly, too. “
***
A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me. “
She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 5421. “
***
Agnes married and had 13 children.
When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, theyre finally together.“
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?”
The friend replied, “I think he means her legs. “
***
A family was having some people to dinner.
At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say, “replied the little girl, shyly.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie, “the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, “Dear Lord, why did I invite all these people to dinner! ?! ”
***
At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, “Will you dance with me, please?”
The arrogant girl says, “I don’t dance with a kid. “
The taken back boy apologized, “I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant. “
***
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?”
“Yes, “replies the little girl.
“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year! ” and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”
The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did! ”
“Well, “says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it! ”
***
“Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?”
“First of all, don’t give him anything to drink. “
***
A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids.
A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, “Are these all your kids?”
The man replied, “No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints”
***
Jane and Max were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting.
“He’ll be deaf before he’s 25, “Max said.
“That won’t help us, “his wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up. “
If you’ve enjoyed these witty tales and humorous anecdotes, you’re in for a treat! Take a journey through the world of humor with “The Black Book of Jokes” — a comprehensive collection of awesome jokes that promise to keep you entertained for hours.
Whether you’re looking to lighten up a gathering, bring a smile to someone’s face, or just need a good laugh yourself, this book is the perfect companion.
Get your copy of the Black Book Of Jokes now and join us in the laughter!