Some of The Funniest Jokes From The Black Book of Jokes
If you’re on a quest for laughter, welcome to the perfect destination!
Dive into our treasure trove of hilarity, handpicked from the renowned ‘Black Book of Jokes’. With the author’s blessing, we bring to you an exquisite collection of jests across a spectrum of themes.
Get ready to brighten your day with our top-tier selection of jokes guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
The Boy with a Phenomenal Memory
In a circus full of people the entertainer walks onto the stage and makes an announcement.
Ladies and gentlemen! Up next is our brand new act. Welcome to the stage — the boy with a phenomenal memory.
Following the entertainer’s introduction, a boy comes out from behind the stage, starting to unzip his pants.
Now the said boy is going to urinate on everyone in the front row!, announced the entertainer.
People in the front are confused and terrified; they start to hussle, trying to leave their seats, when the entertainer exclaims:
There’s no use in running, ladies and gentlemen! As I announced previously — the boy has a phenomenal memory!
Winnie the Pooh’s Dinner
Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were having fun at Pooh’s house.
Piglet accidentally knocked over one of the jars from Pooh’s stash of honey and it went all over the floor.
Pooh had honey roasted ham for dinner that night.
Dr. Dave’s Dilemma
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn’t.
The guilt was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he would hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: Dave don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won’t be the last. Just let It go Dave.
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: Dave… Daaaaave… you’re a veterinarian you sick bastard!
Dress in the Shop Window
In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I’m sorry madam but no. We have cabins for that.
The Cat and the Mouse Catcher
A man runs over a cat.
The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologize to the owner.
He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers.
The man says, I’m so sorry. I’ve just run over your cat. Can I replace it?
I don’t know, replies the old lady. Are you good with catching mice?
James and the Neighbor
Julia tells her husband, James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes home, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can’t you do that?
Gosh, James says, why I hardly know the girl.
The Owl Hooters
Each evening bird lover William stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl — and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the “conversation.”
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.
My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls, she said.
That’s odd, the neighbor replied. So does my husband.
The Age Difference
Time separates the best of friends, said one woman to another.
How true, replied the other. Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you’re thirty-five and I’m twenty-nine!
The Vet Visit
Two male dogs, a poodle and a Great Dane, are in the vet office, waiting to be seen.
The Great Dane turns to the poodle and asks, What are you in for?
The poodle looks at him sadly and says, Our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I’m here to get neutered.
The Great Dane sighs and says, yeah, I’m here for a similar situation. My owner is a spinster. Yesterday she had just gotten out of the shower, when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. The next thing I know I’m on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn’t help myself.
The poodle asks: so she brought you here to put to sleep?
Oh, no…, the Great Dane replies, I’m just here to get my nails clipped.
The Season Pass
A professor was talking about rules on the university campus.
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory for the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, Er… How much for a season pass?
The Doctor’s Beneficiary
A man visiting a doctor says: Doctor I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.
The doctor replied; But you are not one of my patients.
The man said: I know. But my uncle Bill was, and I am his heir.
The Betting Horse
The man selling two-dollar tickets at racetrack registered complete surprise when a horse stepped up to the window, and asked to bet on himself.
What’s the matter? snorted the horse. Are you astonished that I can talk?
Not at all, said the man. I’m surprised that you think you can win.
The 75th Anniversary Revelation
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?
The wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. Yes. Yes he did.
The old man is much shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks Who? Who was he? Who was the father?
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, You.
Paddy and Murphy’s Crossword
Paddy and Murphy were doing a crossword.
Paddy asks, How do you spell paint?
Murphy replies, What color?
The Lawyer and the Honest Man
A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one, when on their way back to the car they little girl stopped her mom. She said Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?
Of course not, sweetheart. her mother replied, Why ever would you ask such a question?
The headstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’
The Starving Mind
If you’re on a quest for laughter, welcome to the perfect destination!
Dive into our treasure trove of hilarity, handpicked from the renowned ‘Black Book of Jokes’. With the author’s blessing, we bring to you an exquisite collection of jests across a spectrum of themes. Get ready to brighten your day with our top-tier selection of jokes guaranteed to tickle your funny bone
The Boy with a Phenomenal Memory
In a circus full of people the entertainer walks onto the stage and makes an announcement.
Ladies and gentlemen! Up next is our brand new act. Welcome to the stage — the boy with a phenomenal memory.
Following the entertainer’s introduction, a boy comes out from behind the stage, starting to unzip his pants.
Now the said boy is going to urinate on everyone in the front row!, announced the entertainer.
People in the front are confused and terrified; they start to hussle, trying to leave their seats, when the entertainer exclaims:
There’s no use in running, ladies and gentlemen! As I announced previously — the boy has a phenomenal memory!
Winnie the Pooh’s Dinner
Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were having fun at Pooh’s house.
Piglet accidentally knocked over one of the jars from Pooh’s stash of honey and it went all over the floor.
Pooh had honey roasted ham for dinner that night.
Dr. Dave’s Dilemma
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn’t.
The guilt was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he would hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: Dave don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won’t be the last. Just let It go Dave.
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: Dave… Daaaaave… you’re a veterinarian you sick bastard!
Dress in the Shop Window
In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I’m sorry madam but no. We have cabins for that.
The Cat and the Mouse Catcher
A man runs over a cat.
The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologize to the owner.
He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers.
The man says, I’m so sorry. I’ve just run over your cat. Can I replace it?
I don’t know, replies the old lady. Are you good with catching mice?
James and the Neighbor
Julia tells her husband, James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes home, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can’t you do that?
Gosh, James says, why I hardly know the girl.
The Owl Hooters
Each evening bird lover William stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl — and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the “conversation.”
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.
My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls, she said.
That’s odd, the neighbor replied. So does my husband.
The Age Difference
Time separates the best of friends, said one woman to another.
How true, replied the other. Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you’re thirty-five and I’m twenty-nine!
The Vet Visit
Two male dogs, a poodle and a Great Dane, are in the vet office, waiting to be seen.
The Great Dane turns to the poodle and asks, What are you in for?
The poodle looks at him sadly and says, Our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I’m here to get neutered.
The Great Dane sighs and says, yeah, I’m here for a similar situation. My owner is a spinster. Yesterday she had just gotten out of the shower, when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. The next thing I know I’m on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn’t help myself.
The poodle asks: so she brought you here to put to sleep?
Oh, no…, the Great Dane replies, I’m just here to get my nails clipped.
The Season Pass
A professor was talking about rules on the university campus.
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory for the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, Er… How much for a season pass?
The Doctor’s Beneficiary
A man visiting a doctor says: Doctor I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.
The doctor replied; But you are not one of my patients.
The man said: I know. But my uncle Bill was, and I am his heir.
The Betting Horse
The man selling two-dollar tickets at racetrack registered complete surprise when a horse stepped up to the window, and asked to bet on himself.
What’s the matter? snorted the horse. Are you astonished that I can talk?
Not at all, said the man. I’m surprised that you think you can win.
The 75th Anniversary Revelation
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?
The wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. Yes. Yes he did.
The old man is much shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks Who? Who was he? Who was the father?
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, You.
Paddy and Murphy’s Crossword
Paddy and Murphy were doing a crossword.
Paddy asks, How do you spell paint?
Murphy replies, What color?
The Lawyer and the Honest Man
A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one, when on their way back to the car they little girl stopped her mom. She said Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?
Of course not, sweetheart. her mother replied, Why ever would you ask such a question?
The headstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’
The Starving Mind
Wife: There’s something preying on my mind.
Husband: Don’t worry, it’ll soon die of starvation.
Jacob’s Last Request
A 90 year-old Jew Jacob is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?
And Sarah says, Yes, I am here.
He then says: Are my children — my wonderful children — are they here with me?
His daughters and sons reply, Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.
Then Jacob says: Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?
All of his siblings too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, If everybody is here … why is the light on in the kitchen?
The Suffering Wife
My wife suffers from a drinking problem.
Oh is she an alcoholic?
No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.
The Doctor’s House Call
A man goes to the doctor complaining about migraines.
His doctor tells him, I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my dear wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should also try it.
Two weeks later, the patient tells the doctor, Your suggestion worked and I’d like to tell you that you have a very nice house.
If you’ve enjoyed these witty tales and humorous anecdotes, you’re in for a treat! Take a journey through the world of humor with “The Black Book of Jokes” — a comprehensive collection of awesome jokes that promise to keep you entertained for hours.
Whether you’re looking to lighten up a gathering, bring a smile to someone’s face, or just need a good laugh yourself, this book is the perfect companion.
Get your copy of the Black Book Of Jokes now and join us in the laughter!